Rejecting the King I

"Then all the elders of Israel gathered themselves together, and came to Samuel unto Ramah,  And said unto him, Behold, thou art old, and thy sons walk not in thy ways: now make us a king to judge us like all the nations.  But the thing displeased Samuel, when they said, Give us a king to judge us. And Samuel prayed unto the Lord .  And the Lord said unto Samuel, Hearken unto the voice of the people in all that they say unto thee: for they have not rejected thee, but they have rejected me, that I should not reign over them. 

1 Samuel 8:4‭-‬7 KJV"

I remember when the above Scripture text came alive in me and Daddy (God) gave me the privilege of experiencing how He felt when the people of Israel rejected Him because they wanted to be like the other surrounding nations. I felt so sad. I heard His words and I felt the sadness behind each word.

Yesterday, I went for choir rehearsals (yes, by God's Grace, I have braced my fears). Something happened that night that has changed my life forever. Before I come to this, let me tell you what happened on Tuesday...

On Tuesday, I had come to a point where I knew I could not enter a new week without saying 'yes' to music. I went for the rehearsal and afterwards, I was concerned because it seemed to me that the ministry I am a part of now is not your usual music ministry. 

I remember calling a Music Director friend of mine to express my concern. I said a lot. My point was, I didn't know if I could receive the needed guidance I felt I needed to be a better worshiper. 

Now this is what happened on Thursday...

Thursday evening, I went for rehearsals. There is something about the members of the choir which shocks me. They were joyful. Although, per what I have experienced from school, there could be a lot of change, I noticed that these ministers enjoyed themselves and the songs they sang.

At one point, as we were going over one song, I found myself laughing at what was going on. Laughter at the thought that we were 'just doing something'. Lord have mercy on me.

I still joined in and I sang along. 

It is what one of the ministers said that affirmed my knowing that no matter what, I have to remain:

Whiles we were singing, He said, " I know that I am leading the song today but on Sunday, the Holy Spirit will be The One ministering. The power that will take over me will not be mine but the Holy Spirit". He further added, "This is not a matter of tenor or alto or anything. The Holy Spirit Is The One Who Will bring the harmony to every voice. All we have to do is to sing from our heart. ...sing the song in your heart. Sing the voice in your heart".

I froze. I was beautifully blasted by my Lord through the lips of a young man whom I'm sure didn't quite know the magnitude of what he was saying. 

His words answered and confirmed the following:

1. I was asking myself on Tuesday, which part I would be most effective in. When I got to the place, I figured that I would be auditioned to know my voice range and which area I could better function in. That did not happen. And I was concerned about that. Mind you, they did ask me which part I could sing but truth is, I sang alto in primary and university, tenor after junior high school and soprano for senior high school. Hence, my confusion. 

But, hearing that my concern shouldn't be on my voice range but rather on the contents of the melody from my heart was enough to point me in the right direction.

2. I was also worried that we didn't have a Music Director whose sole duty it was to teach and coach us. From the two rehearsals I had attended, it looked like what I saw was the norm. I was asking myself, "Is there a music director who can come teach us and coach me on how to be a better minister?" 

When my colleague minister talked about Holy Spirit and His ability to bring about the needed harmony, it shut me up. 

You see, when I was in university, The Lord told me, when He was directing me to join the music ministry, "Trust my Spirit and not your voice". And on this cool Thursday evening, this was what this young lad was reiterating to me. 

Further, my selfishness was exposed. Yes, selfishness because my actions showed that I had joined the ministry with the goal of building up myself to be a better worshiper to Daddy. This is not entirely bad, from the sound of things but you see, the motive was to be one whose voice was trained to be a better worshiper. But you see, my second instruction from Daddy was to trust Him and not my voice.  

After receiving this beautiful blasting from ABBA, I am convinced that this is my place. Praise the Lord. It is always good to have an understanding of why you are in a place. It keeps you firmly rooted when there is a temptation to run. Ah! What does the Scripture say in Proverbs 24:3-4, "Through wisdom is a house built, and by knowledge it is established. 4. By knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches"

Praise the Lord!

Over there, I see a people whose hearts are connected to Daddy through the songs they sing and you know what, this has been the lesson Holy Spirit has been teaching me from my many bathroom moments in Shepherdsville Hostel till now. Most often, when I'm singing a song and it's not from my heart, I feel a break in connection but in that very moment, I hear Him reminding me, "Sing from your heart. Sing what's on your heart". Oh my Lord!

Whiles saying prayers to close the session, the lady leading the prayers asked the Lord to take away every form of pride we, as music ministers, may have. That was a jab in my belly because indeed, I had been proud. I was so familiar with what I knew and how I knew things to be done that I failed to humble myself to learn how things are done in this new place. That is the whole point! When we enter new seasons and assignments, we are so used how Holy Spirit dealt with us in those previous seasons that we fail to humble ourselves or trust that He Who leads us has several methods of leading us in our new season. Hmmm...

It was on my way home that the above Scripture from 1Samuel came to mind. 

Like the Israelites, I was used to having Pharaohs rule and used to seeing other nations with Kings ruling them that I had failed to acknowledge that I have The King of Kings as my King! Oh Lord have mercy!

I had seen people with music directors and how they sounded 'so good' and coordinated that I had forgotten that The One Who directs His children Is my Director too. Lord have mercy.

This has been a period of reflection for me and a re-orientation of what my purpose in music is: To sing my heart out in worship to Him. This has always been Holy Spirit's nudging to me: "do not look at what occurs on the outside but focus on what is going on on the inside of you where no one but He can see". Oh my Lord.

My heart is breaking at the thought of how faulty my disposition towards the music ministry in my home church has been so far. 

Hmmm... it is well!