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I am not a Christian

I gave my life to Jesus in the Senior High School.
Soon afterwards, I was whisked into leadership because I was told that the leaders had received a word from the Lord concerning my nomination. 
I felt I wasn't ready because I was going through some challenges back then. I didn't have self-control when it came to eating and my eating habits were so bad that at a point, my colleague in class and my table-mate embarrassed me pretty well. 
I was told that Daddy had called me, so I went ahead and I accepted the call.

I went to the University and I had this messed up "God-said-you-are-my-wife" relationship that tore me up and led me to denounce God in the process. Then I had the privilege of working for a Reverend Minister who continued to tell me that I needed growth.

I didn't know what that meant...and I sincerely wished someone told me what it meant.
I thought I knew what that meant later on: studying scripture, remembering scripture, keeping a blog, reaching out to people, etc.
But I was wrong.

See, Daddy has been dealing with me on a very deep level...a very deep level.
This partly explains why I have been silent because I don't want to rush on ahead and explain certain events of my life when I haven't come to full understanding of what those seasons or episodes meant.

I was listening to a sermon by Billy Graham titled, "How to live a full-Christian life" and I realised that I haven't been a Christian all my life...for real.

By God's Grace, and through Pastor Billy's sermon, I do accept now that Christianity is a life-long commitment to Jesus Christ. I am not just saying that I am married, but on a real level, I am really married to Him...that is what this commitment means.

And, like any 'serious' relationship, I must MAKE TIME to be with the One I have vowed to be committed to. I see here that it is not about discipline but about a single DECISION to commit and to do everything I can to make sure that there is a sync in Our Spirits. This is very profound for me as I type these words.

As I sit in this swivel chair in the office at 7:14pm, Friday evening, I believe I am okay in this position. 

I see here that this is a matter of perspectives. 
I don't see myself having to discipline myself to be with my husband... it is not a chore that I have to psyche myself mentally for. It is a decision I take to commit no matter what.

I do not know what this single decision will do for me. But, after hearing the stories of many young women who have been in my position, I am hopeful that all things will fall into their proper alignment in time and I will find my Father, find myself, know His voice and find my voice in Him.

Great blessings guys,
Mary Magdalene.

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