Reading "The Final Quest" by Rick Joyner changed my life.
This book was a journey for me and it led me to really really look within myself.
One day, I will pour my thoughts and experiences out...(perhaps in a video format or something. Let's see how that goes).
I came across a portion of the book which touched on the subject of service and love and the fact that love does not seek its own. That knowledge struck a chord in my heart because I know what that means and I understand that it calls on me to sincerely strip off my selfish desires for the greater good of others. I then understood the concept of dying to self in a deeper way.
Whiles reading this book, I was at the same time searching for insights on important spiritual principles for Christian living when I came across an old post by trurnbacktoGod.com (which you can find here: http://www.turnbacktogod.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/10-Spiritual-Principles-For-Christian-Life.pdf ).
On the subject of evangelism, I received a jab in the stomach when the writer, in his text, addressed evangelism profoundly as being more concerned with our lives and actions than our words...(I feel a lump in my throat this very moment). He talked about how Daddy's love should influence us to live in love and thereby draw people, especially our immediate family to Christ.
Now, merging these two pieces, it felt as though a veil had been lifted from my eyes. I knew I had a huge role to play and I knew so well that I could not do it. Walking in love in my home means me going all out for my family...and that can be hard. Very hard. Very very hard. I sincerely prayed and told Jesus that I could not live that kind of love without His help. For real.
Living this love in my family means forgoing how I feel I should be treated in order to make them comfortable and at ease. I have to kill myself daily to live this way. Honestly.
Why am I saying so?
For my National Service, I decided to pursue a second degree alongside. This means that I go to work during the day and I school at night. My younger sister is in boarding school at the moment and this means that in her absence, I have to do more chores at home. My first day at work was also my first day in school. Thus, I went into both worlds in full swing and I must say, I was struggling. I got home late, slept late, woke up late and had a challenge doing chores and having my Quiet time in the mornings. It was hard. I felt that I should be considered because of what I was doing and be relieved from some duties as a result. That didn't happen.
Early mornings became hell for me because I almost always would leave the house with my mum lashing out at me. I was furious. I was angry. Very angry to the point where I cried before my boss once. I wanted to find a place to live and I was ready to work hard to foot the bill if I had to. I spoke to my dad and in our conversation, I realised that if I was going through such tough training, it was most likely needed to fulfill an unknown purpose (my elder siblings didn't experience this kind of living when they were pursuing their second degree).
I was oftentimes disturbed because this place of me wanting to be treated well was affecting my walk with God, disturbing the people around me and the disconnect was just unbearable. Ohh it was hard. Trust me.
Thus, coming across these two pieces of literature was 'heartbreaking' because I knew I had to look past myself, for the love of God, to put my family first. I am taking things a day at a time. Well, school hasn't resumed yet and I don't know what is to happen when I resume the process of getting home after 9pm all over again. To answer to this, I have found something:
Yesterday, I was reading an article on SetApartGirl about living a well-ordered life (link provided in here: http://setapartgirl.com/magazine/article/05-4-16/well-ordered-life ). The writer, Leslie Ludy, stated that there is supernatural grace available for anyone to live an ordered life- if that person is willing to. It is about the willingness to and I believe that if I am willing to, for the sake of Jesus, He Is also willing to pour Grace on me to carry it out.
That is to say that if I am willing to look past myself in service to others, Jesus will imbue me with the needed ability to serve and serve well.
Typical example of this:
Yesterday, I got home with a very terrible headache. I just wanted to lie down and close my eyes a bit. But, I had to fill in for my cousin in the kitchen because she had to run an errand in town. I didn't want to and I really needed to lie down. I then remembered Leslie's article (which I had just read on my way home) and I went to the kitchen. After finishing that duty, I was amazed when I realised that I couldn't feel the headache anymore.
Also, in the last few days that I have set out to live this way, my mornings have been quiet and I have had the peace to have time for Scripture (I am still struggling with waking up on time and this is bothering me a bit. Lord, I believe You Are willing to help me...I need Your Grace to be willing too).
To God be the Glory.
In losing my life daily, I am finding Life (joy, peace, contentment).
Honestly, I sleep tired. But I wake up better and without negativity or a dark cloud hovering over my head like it used to be.
Right now, the bridge I have to cross is consciously waking up early... this is trying to steal my joy whenever I am heading for the office. I know that with God, I will overcome. In Jesus' name!
In conclusion, I will use a statement made by Leslie,
"If you yield each area of your life to Him, He will be faithful to gently direct you in building a well-ordered lifestyle—one step of obedience at a time".
...It is Daddy's desire to help us walk in love. We have to be willing to take one step of obedience at a time. When you look within yourself, I believe you will find a part of your heart where your love walk is falling short in. Sometimes, it is hard to consider walking in love in those areas. I know. But baby, this is the life we are called to live. Take it from me. I knew how hard it would be to walk in love in my home. I knew how much of myself I would have to forgo in order to live this love. But what did Jesus Christ say in the Gospels? He said that if we are willing to lose our lives for His sake, we would gain it back. This statement does not only mean the physical loss of a life but also in our daily choices to kill our flesh for His sake. See, you will find True Life when you do. A kind of life you cannot explain and a kind of life whose tangibility you cannot deny... you will find Jesus. Hallelujah!
My question is: are you willing?
This book was a journey for me and it led me to really really look within myself.
One day, I will pour my thoughts and experiences out...(perhaps in a video format or something. Let's see how that goes).
I came across a portion of the book which touched on the subject of service and love and the fact that love does not seek its own. That knowledge struck a chord in my heart because I know what that means and I understand that it calls on me to sincerely strip off my selfish desires for the greater good of others. I then understood the concept of dying to self in a deeper way.
Whiles reading this book, I was at the same time searching for insights on important spiritual principles for Christian living when I came across an old post by trurnbacktoGod.com (which you can find here: http://www.turnbacktogod.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/10-Spiritual-Principles-For-Christian-Life.pdf ).
On the subject of evangelism, I received a jab in the stomach when the writer, in his text, addressed evangelism profoundly as being more concerned with our lives and actions than our words...(I feel a lump in my throat this very moment). He talked about how Daddy's love should influence us to live in love and thereby draw people, especially our immediate family to Christ.
Now, merging these two pieces, it felt as though a veil had been lifted from my eyes. I knew I had a huge role to play and I knew so well that I could not do it. Walking in love in my home means me going all out for my family...and that can be hard. Very hard. Very very hard. I sincerely prayed and told Jesus that I could not live that kind of love without His help. For real.
Living this love in my family means forgoing how I feel I should be treated in order to make them comfortable and at ease. I have to kill myself daily to live this way. Honestly.
Why am I saying so?
For my National Service, I decided to pursue a second degree alongside. This means that I go to work during the day and I school at night. My younger sister is in boarding school at the moment and this means that in her absence, I have to do more chores at home. My first day at work was also my first day in school. Thus, I went into both worlds in full swing and I must say, I was struggling. I got home late, slept late, woke up late and had a challenge doing chores and having my Quiet time in the mornings. It was hard. I felt that I should be considered because of what I was doing and be relieved from some duties as a result. That didn't happen.
Early mornings became hell for me because I almost always would leave the house with my mum lashing out at me. I was furious. I was angry. Very angry to the point where I cried before my boss once. I wanted to find a place to live and I was ready to work hard to foot the bill if I had to. I spoke to my dad and in our conversation, I realised that if I was going through such tough training, it was most likely needed to fulfill an unknown purpose (my elder siblings didn't experience this kind of living when they were pursuing their second degree).
I was oftentimes disturbed because this place of me wanting to be treated well was affecting my walk with God, disturbing the people around me and the disconnect was just unbearable. Ohh it was hard. Trust me.
Thus, coming across these two pieces of literature was 'heartbreaking' because I knew I had to look past myself, for the love of God, to put my family first. I am taking things a day at a time. Well, school hasn't resumed yet and I don't know what is to happen when I resume the process of getting home after 9pm all over again. To answer to this, I have found something:
Yesterday, I was reading an article on SetApartGirl about living a well-ordered life (link provided in here: http://setapartgirl.com/magazine/article/05-4-16/well-ordered-life ). The writer, Leslie Ludy, stated that there is supernatural grace available for anyone to live an ordered life- if that person is willing to. It is about the willingness to and I believe that if I am willing to, for the sake of Jesus, He Is also willing to pour Grace on me to carry it out.
That is to say that if I am willing to look past myself in service to others, Jesus will imbue me with the needed ability to serve and serve well.
Typical example of this:
Yesterday, I got home with a very terrible headache. I just wanted to lie down and close my eyes a bit. But, I had to fill in for my cousin in the kitchen because she had to run an errand in town. I didn't want to and I really needed to lie down. I then remembered Leslie's article (which I had just read on my way home) and I went to the kitchen. After finishing that duty, I was amazed when I realised that I couldn't feel the headache anymore.
Also, in the last few days that I have set out to live this way, my mornings have been quiet and I have had the peace to have time for Scripture (I am still struggling with waking up on time and this is bothering me a bit. Lord, I believe You Are willing to help me...I need Your Grace to be willing too).
To God be the Glory.
In losing my life daily, I am finding Life (joy, peace, contentment).
Honestly, I sleep tired. But I wake up better and without negativity or a dark cloud hovering over my head like it used to be.
Right now, the bridge I have to cross is consciously waking up early... this is trying to steal my joy whenever I am heading for the office. I know that with God, I will overcome. In Jesus' name!
In conclusion, I will use a statement made by Leslie,
"If you yield each area of your life to Him, He will be faithful to gently direct you in building a well-ordered lifestyle—one step of obedience at a time".
...It is Daddy's desire to help us walk in love. We have to be willing to take one step of obedience at a time. When you look within yourself, I believe you will find a part of your heart where your love walk is falling short in. Sometimes, it is hard to consider walking in love in those areas. I know. But baby, this is the life we are called to live. Take it from me. I knew how hard it would be to walk in love in my home. I knew how much of myself I would have to forgo in order to live this love. But what did Jesus Christ say in the Gospels? He said that if we are willing to lose our lives for His sake, we would gain it back. This statement does not only mean the physical loss of a life but also in our daily choices to kill our flesh for His sake. See, you will find True Life when you do. A kind of life you cannot explain and a kind of life whose tangibility you cannot deny... you will find Jesus. Hallelujah!
My question is: are you willing?
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