Waking up to pray has been extremely hard to do in the past few days. For some time now, I wake up in the mornings feeling more tired than I went to bed. And so although my eyes are open, it is a real struggle getting out of the bed.
Initially, this morning, I was
feeling bad about it. After a few minutes, I resolved to pray from my bed. I
did that… and ended up sleeping at a
point.
It was better than nothing. That
moment taught me that the perfect start is the one that happens from exactly
where you are. There is a reason why God wants this relationship with us: aside
from the fact that it is a love thing, God also knows that we truly and
sincerely cannot make it in this life without Him. He Is not looking for a
perfect daughter neither is He searching for a perfect son. He Is perfect and
His perfection is enough for all of us.
I remember those times when I
would tell my spiritual father I was struggling to pray. He would say to me:
Why don’t you ask the Lord to help you? Why don’t you tell the Lord about your
struggles? That is prayer too.
Rather than trying so hard to be the intercessor and prayer warrior, why not
start from a true place of brokenness before the Lord about how hard it is to
be that person you want to be.
That too is prayer… and important prayer at that.
This
walk is one of honesty (you can check out
my post on honesty).
“And so Father, today, I come before You
putting one step forward. It is hard to pray and very hard to get out of bed. I
am so much trying to control my walk with You to the point where I am unable to
let go and surrender. I surrender. I surrender my heart and my will to You. I
know I will live out Your purpose for my life. Help me realise that You are in
charge of my life and not me. I am sorry for taking the reins of this
relationship, forgetting that You are as equally in this relationship as I am…
even more. Please help me to stay
faithful to you and help me to put one foot before the other always… to never
give up and to always stay at Your feet. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.”
Reading this post myself is convicting. In times like these, I am reminded that this work of writing is truly God’s work through me.
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