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Selflessly selfish

Ending of the year 2016, I was so eager to be knowledgeable in the things of Papa.

I wanted to be better equipped to serve my girls in St. Louis SHS better.
I was concerned because I didn't want to give them any advise outside Papa's will... generally, I didn't want to be out of tune with Papa in serving others.

For this reason, I was willing to pray hard and work the hardest for it. 

(I am very grateful for this season...)

Very recently, I realised something that has completely changed my outlook on life in general.

It is good to serve.
Infact, our gifts and life are for service.

But, I have realised, by the sole help of Holy Spirit that in desiring to equip myself to be of better service to others, I must first desire to be of better service to myself.

Honestly, for some years now, I have always asked that Papa prepares me so that I may be better, for the sake of the souls attached to my destiny. Pious as this request may sound, it shifts my attention from the simple fact that Papa wants me to desire to be better for myself too.

In this season, and now more than ever, my sole intention is to learn so hard, so that I can become a better version of myself, for myself.
I want to be better, for me.
I want to know Who Jesus Christ Is, for myself.
I want to understand the Gospel, for myself.
I want to know Who my Father Is, for myself.
I want to know Holy Spirit, for myself.

Perhaps, someday, after I have apprehended these Truths, Papa will deem me fit to bring others into the knowledge of Who He really Is.
Maybe, the only ones I will really be given the opportunity to share these Truths with will be my kids... that alone is a great ministry I will not take lightly, by God's mercies.

I also reckon that when my focus shifts from others to myself, I begin to focus on an Audience of One (Papa) Himself and not on those for whom I am desiring to be better for.
When my focus is on others, there is very likely the possibility of me going overboard, just to please them...especially, since it was for them I embarked on the preparation in the first place.

Service is good.
But, serve yourself first, in the same measure as you would do for others.

Remember: love your neighbour as you love yourself.
You can only do for others, as you are doing for yourself. There is a lot more you can give others when you love yourself enough to give yourself first.

Think about it...

Love,
Marlene.

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