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"Lord, help me live today", she wrote.

Her devotional this morning was about Dinah, who had been defiled by Shechem in the Books of Genesis...was it chapter 32 0r 34? one of them.

The Bible devotional asked all the ladies who read to tell Daddy how hurt they were and of how much they needed Him. She did too.

With shadows of her past inching closer by the second, she had to finally admit that she was broken. It has all been her fault she kept telling herself.

She never was the kind to blame others for her woes.

She took responsibility of it all.

"It was my fault that I allowed him to fondle my breasts and kiss my body"

"It was my fault that I kept going back to him every time"

"He touched me...and it felt good... I shuddered at his every touch"

"I brought this on myself"

"It was my fault"

" It was I who initiated those sexual acts with all those female cousins and friends...and one or two males"

"They wanted it too...but it was I who did"

"I could have said no. I could have run away. I liked the feeling I felt whenever we laid in the bed...under the blankets and did things to ourselves...never sex...just things"

"It was my fault."

"I did this to myself"

"Hiding in the room... 'playing' with myself...till it hurt."

"It was all my fault"

"And the men who passed through my world" she said..."they gave me affection... and the attention"

"They hugged me. They said they loved me"

"I was a prize they couldn't afford to lose. He called me a diamond..."

She dug deep...real deep.

"Lord, I admit. I needed affection. I thought mum and dad could give me that...especially mum. They did their best"

Her heart ached every time she saw a mother and a daughter on t.v hugging or sharing quality time.

"Father I needed that too. I needed that support and attention from a mother", her heart cried.

" I sought it from my female friends especially... in the wrong way..."

Now, she knew it was God she needed all along...even when she thought she had committed to a relationship with Him.

She didn't know that years later, she was going to have to go back to the root of the matter.

At first, she blamed her mother for pushing her away.

But then, later, she realised that no human being could have given her the kind of affection she needed, but God.