SHARING LIFE

Father, how do I start again? How do I eliminate 20-something years of life and begin again? Niiella's song keeps resounding in my ear. "And if i could turn back the hands of time and take all my pain and then rewind. Go back to the place when I was a child again. And start all over with you in mind." We Both know the decisions I have taken and the way I have lived. We Both know that all I have done and all I have desired is Your will. Why do I feel lost, Papa? I can't go back to the place of my birth because I can no longer speak their language. I don't know where to go, Papa. I feel so lost, Daddy. I am scared... I reckon that it is because of my thoughts of how others see me that has made me feel inferior. I feel like my presence in the lives of some people only reeks havoc. I see myself to be the cause of how I have been treated in the past. For this reason, I fear them. Yes, I see them...and I am frie...

Daddy, where did the lioness go? I was a fighter when I was young. I never backed out of a fight. I was competitive, Father. Remember how I attacked the sports in junior high? Remember how I always voiced out my opinions without fear? I never cared what others thought of me. I never minced words and I never cared what the repercussions of my utterance were. But, Father, where did this lioness go? Remember how I attacked life? I never backed down. I was a go-getter! Daddy, where did the lioness go? I want her back. This softness, I do not like. I have become relaxed... too relaxed, in my opinion. Is this Your will? Is this who You want me to be now? If yes, then have Your way. Just know that if it isn't, then please, bring her back. ...in greater fervour.

The men... AY came; and then there was Nhyira, then Verone, then came the Pastor and then the other one who always circled in and out. Ohh... not forgetting the others who clearly had hopes.  She was in there because they saw her potential. One was direct, at least: "I see that you are one who is going to go very far in life and I want to be part of it". He said it in another way. It still was the same. It was either her beauty or the clear sight of her future... she all could tell would be great. "Who will come to me because he wants to serve me as much as I want to do same for him" "Who will say both in words and in deeds that he truly cared for her and was concerned about her future and not about what he was going to get in return?" Ohhh... there was one she didn't include. He. He had expressed love and care... in words... She wasn't willing to give in. She took her mind of it. She wasn't going to allow herself get hurt a...

"Lord, help me live today", she wrote. Her devotional this morning was about Dinah, who had been defiled by Shechem in the Books of Genesis...was it chapter 32 0r 34? one of them. The Bible devotional asked all the ladies who read to tell Daddy how hurt they were and of how much they needed Him. She did too. With shadows of her past inching closer by the second, she had to finally admit that she was broken. It has all been her fault she kept telling herself. She never was the kind to blame others for her woes. She took responsibility of it all. "It was my fault that I allowed him to fondle my breasts and kiss my body" "It was my fault that I kept going back to him every time" "He touched me...and it felt good... I shuddered at his every touch" "I brought this on myself" "It was my fault" " It was I who initiated those sexual acts with all those female cousins and friends...and one or two m...