Yielded; the moment I surrendered

I cannot remember the last time I’d cried so hard about anything concerning my life… until this past week.

I want to be empty so that Holy spirit can have unlimited access in my body.

People sell their souls to the devil… I have sold all three faculties to Holy Spirit.

I have always known that I am willing to withhold nothing, just so that He can have all the access He desires.

But, when Papa told me about His desire for my time… especially my mornings, I knew that was the hardest thing I could ever do.

To someone, this is nothing.

But to me, it is major major…

Immediately, I knew I couldn’t do it… without His help.

So, I cried… first, out of guilt because of the many years I had withheld my morning and my time from Him. Second, I cried harder because I knew I couldn’t do it.

“Lord, help me. I can’t do this on my own.”, I cried.

He heard my cry.

He gave me strength to wake up. He really did. He directed me. It felt good.

Then I got there, and I didn’t know what to do in His presence.

First, I sang.

Then, I danced.

But most times, I was lost.

“Lord, what must I do?”

I must pray… I discovered on Sunday.

“Lord, I don’t know how to pray. Teach me how to pray.”, I had earlier beseeched on Wednesday.

Then He showed me Romans 8… the part that talks about how we know not what to pray but Holy Spirit does for us in sighs and groaning that we do not understand.

That answered my question.

But then, there was fear.

I used to fear what would happen when my eyes were closed. What if something happens with my eyes closed.

What if I open my eyes and I see an Angel or something…

Won’t I die from fear?

I went for a prayer meeting. A prayer point was raised by one lady, that we pray for Papa to speak to us concerning our prayer requests.

I didn’t have to open my mouth.

Papa said, “Trust Me.”

Then the imagery of a story I’d read some time ago came to mind.

A story of how a father had taken his son into the deep woods and had asked him to sit and wait for him.

He had tied the eyes of the little boy.

The boy was frightened.

With every sound, every howl, he would shudder.

Morning came.

Then his father told him, “I was right here with you the entire time.”

Papa gave me that imagery, just to let me know that I had and could trust that He would take care of me.

…when I close my eyes.

Monday came.

I was slightly late.

I told Him about what He’d told me the day before… and how I was willing to try to trust Him by closing my eyes.

Then I asked Holy Spirit for His help because I knew I couldn’t pray without Him and close my eyes too.

I knelt down.

I began speaking in tongues.

Every time I felt as though I was failing, my soul would cry to Holy Spirit, “Help me, Holy Spirit. Please”

He did come to my aid.

Every time my soul cried for Him, He refueled me to carry on and not stop praying.

I believe that I will grow.

It is all a matter of time.

All I know is, “I can only do right by Holy Spirit”.

If you find yourself in this phase too, I want to encourage you to involve Holy Spirit at every stage of your journey.

When it is just the Two of You, you are more than safe.

Love,

A little girl pursuing her Father.