MATTERS OF THE HEART: HONESTY

Very recently, I had what I would like to call an epiphany.

I don’t know whether this would make sense to you, but have you ever gotten to that point where a particular truth, which you have been hearing for a long time, hits you so hard and it sinks into your spirit so much so that there is a turnaround? That is what I term an epiphany.

I learnt a while back that just as Jesus Christ is the Groom and the Church is His Bride, so does this apply to every individual. Jesus Christ is the Head of my life and I am His body. In much the same way, just as it is said that Jesus is the Bridegroom and the Church His Bride, so am I (as an individual) also His Bride as He is my Bridegroom. This truth recently hit me so hard. So, I am the Bride of Christ? wooow! I am actually married… :)

In my excitement, I was pouring out my heart to Him and in my conclusion, I said, “Jesus I know that You love me… and I love You too.”

Just then, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me, “No, you don’t.”

I was very embarrassed… but He was right.

Then I understood this:

It is very easy for us… or let me say, me to quickly say I love you back to someone I know loves me and is very Good and Kind and Perfect. You know, that kind of response you quickly give in order for the listener to not feel hurt or just so that things do not become awkward.

After the nudge I had in my spirit, I coyly came clean and told Jesus the truth.

 It was the hardest… with the help of the Holy Spirit, I coyly told Him the truth. I said, “Jesus, I know You love me…but I do not love You. I want to love You. Please teach me how to love You.”

I said this and I told Him of what I had seen in love relationships and what my expectations were… I was, by God’s Grace, honest with this one too.

I can’t begin to tell you what has happened within me and the physical manifestations of this knowledge and realization. Lol

Hey, I know I cannot match the depth of His love… but I wanted to one day say that “Jesus I love You” and mean it. I didn’t want to say it out of compulsion because I have seen others saying it. I just wanted to say it and mean it… knowing who He is.

(Does this make me crazy? Perhaps)

At that time, I only wanted to say something sweet… but was that what He needed to hear? Absolutely not.

He needed my honesty. He needed me to come clean on how I truly felt about Him. That way, He knew where He stood in Our relationship. I cannot begin to say of how much transformation has taken place after I acknowledged the state of my heart before Him. It’s been an amazing experience.

I am learning that one of the best and safest things to do in any relationship is to be honest… 100% no filter.   

I am learning that Jesus requires honesty and transparency in Our relationship. He likes the truth as it is…. In Him, there is no condemnation… no judgement. I dare say that He is more concerned about me standing naked before Him in all my sin and human frailty than me being clothed and singing Him praises when We both know that there is something missing.

 There was always a part of me that knew that there was something not so right with my dealings with Jesus Christ. He is my Saviour…undoubtedly. He is the Son of God… yes, I totally believe that.

But did I know that He is my Husband? No I didn’t; not until I had this epiphany.

I am very certain that had I told the Holy Spirit earlier, about how concerned I was about my love relationship with Jesus Christ, this issue would have been resolved a very long time ago but no I didn’t… I was shy to tell Him about it. Nonetheless, the process leading to this awareness isn’t one that I would trade for the most precious of diamonds.

I am in no way saying that I want to match the love Jesus Christ has for me…not at all. The truth is, I want to be deeply immersed and lost in His Unfailing Love… I can never even fathom the depth of the Love He has for me. It is as infinite as Himself.

I am not also saying that I did not love Jesus at all. I loved Him as my Saviour, I loved Him because of the goodly inheritance I had obtained through Him from God. I loved Him because His presence had redeemed my relationship with Our Father. But did I love Him in a way befitting of a Bride for Her Groom?

That was the crux of the matter…

Now more than ever, I desire that I may always feel free to stand naked before Him in every area of my life and in every step of my journey here on earth.

Sometimes love isn’t fireworks… it comes slowly.

I know I will get there someday…!

It is so well.